Reflection on “Healthy Boundaries” that impacted my life without limitations
As I sit here, I’m reflecting on my music achievements & what it took to do what others dreamt.
“The freedom I experienced on stage came from the practice & hard work done in the background” – Matt STEER
One of the most significant distinctions I see is how we set Healthy Boundaries with ourselves. As I’m reflecting, the success I was able to create with music, to DJ to tens of thousands of people on a dance floor is incredible. Many people tried to have these experiences, yet I got to live it regularly. It took practice; it took discipline; it took work.
It came with a lot of “hard work”, some of it was natural talents for which I am very aware I have. The rest came from putting Healthy Boundaries on myself to become great, to get to the next stage, refined my craft. What I practised in private was rewarded for in public.
Why talk about this?
Many people don’t want to put boundaries on themselves.
Could it be?
• The meaning attached to the word
• Fear of success
• Feeling restrictive
• Living the lie that life isn’t tricky and challenging.
During the week, I spoke with people wanting to achieve goals, yet not willing to put Healthy Boundaries on their use of time, how people talked to them & what they are willing to tolerate within themselves. Boundaries at work where enough was enough.
People I have spoken with, have not taken the time to consciously create or design a life where they have crafted what’s okay for them and what is not okay. Some fear losing friends or family. Some have set boundaries in the past, but life has changed, and the boundaries don’t work!
If you want to create a life without limits, you need Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries is courage, to love ourselves enough, that we risk losing what is dare to us.
• Want to experience your goal, then you need to do the work. You will have to get up early if your goal is big. That means you need to set your alarm or drop that Netflix show you can’t live without.
• Genuinely want to lose weight, then you need to eat fewer calories than what your body uses per day, consistently.
• Want more time, then you need to know where you’re spending it. Time is like a currency if you don’t track it, then you don’t know where it’s going, then you don’t know where you can get it back or stop the time wasters.
• If you want to start improving your self-respect, start showing yourself that you have the confidence to follow through with what you say you will do. That you respect yourself enough to place a boundary to follow through.
Be the example
Are you clear about what is okay and not okay for you?
How you treat yourself is how others treat you. When you’re clear what is okay, you live in that space every day. Others observe that is okay for you. You are an example.
Speaking up then, when it is not okay is easy. You begin to develop even more self-respect. You start living by your integrity (Personally a substantial value, in case you haven’t work this out of me).
This is true for your dreams. If you are genuinely committed to creating your goals. Living a particular experience in life, then you must begin setting Healthy Boundaries on yourself.
What is okay use of your time?
What is okay use of your energy?
How can you communicate this to people most dear to you, so they support you?
What are you willing to give up?
How are you going to celebrate when you achieve the goal? (for us type A’s, we love to brush over this. Don’t!)
This is the same when setting boundaries with family or colleagues.
A couple years back, I asked a successful businessman good friend of mine to mentor me. He quickly said NO, followed by “I value our friendship too much and don’t want to lose that”. While I continue to speak to him about business stuff, we have clear lines on our communication relating to business & guidance.
This experience showed we must have clear personal Healthy Boundaries. The purpose of those boundaries. Who will fall into those boundaries? That I have more respect now for him, because of the clarity of type of friendship we have and to ensure that other influences do not affect it.
Courage to Confidence
Setting Healthy Boundaries is easy. They must be aligned with your values, the purpose of your life and your goals. It’s the “doing” every day, the conversations, the holding oneself to them that can be hard.
I encourage you today to start with one Healthy Boundary you want to set yourself. Start small.
• Maybe, it’s turning off all your phone notifications, so you write more on your assignment.
• Maybe, it is setting a limit to the time spent on social media. So, you start reclaiming and having more time for other activities.
• It could be not bringing your phone when going out to lunch, so you spend quality time with the person you’re with.
• Try meal prep nutritious meals for the week to increase your energy, not worry about last min food prep
• Set the alarm 30min before your usual wake time so you can meditate on the success you will experience for the day.
Small, successful actions build confidence. Have the courage to start small and follow through. Build momentum daily towards your life without limits